You Can't Have it All

Women today have a tremendous amount of choices. We can get the best education and then choose to stay home or we can pursue our careers while having a family. Of course, there are many women who don't really have choices, who due to their economic situation simply have to work. For them the idea of "choice" is moot because they need to pay the bills and "choice" is a luxury they can not afford. But for a moment, let me focus on those lucky ones who do have choices. Who can work, scale back their careers, or even stay home full time to be with their children. 

While it may seem that these women can craft their ideal lifestyle, the reality is YOU CAN'T HAVE IT ALL. Magazines such as Working Mother will show some beautiful woman who has a high power career, is of course gorgeous, has 2 or 3 wonderful kids, bakes cookies for her kid's class parties and still finds time to sew homemade Halloween costumes. These few freaks of nature make the rest of us feel like we should be able to "have it all". Anything less means we're inadequate. 

Well, my experience is that most of us human mortals simply can't have it all. Even when you have choices, something has to give. In fact, my idea of "work/life balance" is when your work life and home life are both equally miserable. But seriously, while you can't have it all, you can have a fulfilling work and home life. Think of it as an "all you can eat buffet". You can eat a little bit of a variety of foods, or you can tank up on the "peel and eat" shrimp and forego the other tasty options. 

As for Miz Management, I have been very lucky to have a flexible career for a wonderful engineering firm. Due to their flexible work environment, I have had the opportunity to work part time for 15 years. I was able to progress in my career, and even advance up the ladder, while working three days per week. This gave me a couple of days a week to hang out with my kids, participate in baby play groups, chaperone the occasional apple picking field trip, and do the laundry. But wait, was it that easy?? Was my work situation completely ideal? Not exactly. My "balance" meant that some things made it into my life and others didn't. So here is the tally of what made it into my "balance" portfolio and what I had to throw away.

1. Days per week. Although my official schedule was three days per week, I found myself working at least a bit on my "off" days. Even an hour of checking emails and returning a few phone calls made a big difference. People knew that I was reachable in the event of an emergency. I made myself available (within reason) to make sure that my work obligations were being met even on my "off days".
   
   
2. Day Care Choices. I chose day care options that ensured that I could be at work when I needed to be there. While some moms chose nannies, who can call in sick or go away on vacations, I used day care centers that are open every day except for a few standard holidays. While day care centers were more work for me (bringing the kids there and back) and more costly than a nanny, I felt I needed the reliability of a good day care center.
   
   
3. Home Cooked Family Dinners...not. I don't have yummy home cooked meals every night (I wish I bought stock in Lean Cuisine). We also don't have a Norman Rockwell family dinner every night. We eat in shifts and we eat a lot of prepared foods and take out. And yet, my kids are all healthy and the right weight for their height, so I'm probably not goofing up too much here.

And lest I forget, I also have a very supportive husband who supports my career and makes lunches for the kids every day. I don't have it all, but I found a mix that (usually) works. You'll have to make tough choices to find your balance and choose what's important and what you can let go. Ultimately, that's what we all need to do. As Mick Jagger would say "you can't always get what you want...but if you try sometimes, you might find...you get what you need".